i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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