Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
