So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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