This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
