I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
