dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
