She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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