Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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