im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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