...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
