Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
