I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
