I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
