there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
