so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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