As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
