You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
