I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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