just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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