I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
