Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
