What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
