that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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