It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
