his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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