I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
