is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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