I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
