We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
