there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
