physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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