Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
