you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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