Did you just see the Batmobile???
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
