So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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