i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
