morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
