I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
