I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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