You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
