Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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