My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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