the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My vagina is very pro this idea
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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