I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
