I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
