Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
