She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
