I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize