Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
