but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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