Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize