i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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