Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
