you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
