I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
