Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
