Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
