He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
