What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize