Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
