she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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