i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
