Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
