You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
