I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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