Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
