Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
