Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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