lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
