if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
