i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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