sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
