The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
