I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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