i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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